Need a quick lesson in some of the socialized norms of how women communicate versus men? Audrey Nelson, Ph.D, well-known speaker, consultant, researcher, and author, relayed this story at the NAPA Connect conference:
Woman and Man come home from work.
Woman says to Man, “Honey, how do you feel about going out to dinner tonight?”
Man says, “Nah, I had a long day and I’d rather put my feet up on the couch and…”
Woman gets mad.
Was she upset that he didn’t want to go out? Nelson pointed out that there’s actually a comment embedded in Woman’s question, which is: I’m tired and don’t feel like cooking, so let’s go out. Woman was upset about Man missing the cue and the underlying meaning of the question.
Anyone who has been in a long-term relationship likely has experienced a scenario just like this!
When it comes to communication, women have been conditioned to be indirect far more often than men. In general, women are not just listening to words, they are also evaluating non-verbal cues and behavior, and looking for what might be embedded within the communication. Women are more likely to explain the process behind something rather than give a blunt answer, focus on the role of others and their feelings in the context of the situation, and consider the interdependence and impact of those feelings more often than men.
Which communication style is better? The answer actually depends on the situation. Those who can shift their communication style to meet the appropriate situation have the advantage.
The conference discussion revolved around where and when certain defaults or skills are more advantageous, and how the opposite holds true in other situations. You can read more on Audrey Nelson’s research and get tips for improving your team’s communication at www.audreynelson.com.
Courtenay V. Shipley, CRPS, AIF, CPFA, is the Chief Planologist at Retirement Planology, Inc.
